


Goodbye

by TatteLatte



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, One Shot, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Civil War (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 00:13:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14123928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TatteLatte/pseuds/TatteLatte
Summary: Steve asks for one night with Bucky before he goes back into cryo-sleep. He wants a chance to say goodbye, but maybe Bucky is the one who really needs it.





	Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of a dialogue-heavy scene I've been thinking about where Steve opens up to Bucky about everything that's happened since the start of TFA. I don't write a lot of fiction, so go easy on me.

“Mr. Barnes, Captain,”

T’Challa was standing with his little sister behind him, which Steve knew couldn’t be good. He was running out of time.

“The chamber is ready. We can put you into cryogenic sleep today if you’d like.”

The next words flew out of Steve's mouth before he could think twice about it:

“One more night.”

T’Challa, Shuri, and Bucky all startled at his outburst that came out louder than it should have. He turned to Bucky.

“Go into cryo tomorrow morning, Buck,” he said, pleadingly. “Just give me one more night.”

Bucky searched Steve’s eyes for a moment in confusion. Then, resolved, he turned back to T’Challa and Shuri.

“I guess I’m going to sleep tomorrow morning,” he said. "I doubt one night could hurt." He had a soft smile, and Steve felt like it was more for Shuri’s benefit than anything else. When Bucky had asked to be put to sleep, he’d admitted that he felt guilty about asking Shuri to make the chamber so soon after her father’s death. T’Challa had reassured him that Wakanda had the technology and concept plans, meaning the job was more quick assembly than invention. Still, Bucky had tried to get a smile out of Shuri more than once in their short time here. He liked to make people happy, even if he had to put on a show.

T’Challa smiled back, and Steve wasn’t sure if he was imagining the pity he saw in those eyes.

“Then we will see you in the morning, Mr. Barnes.”

* * *

 

“Why did you ask me to wait? What's the big plan for my last night?” Bucky asked, pulling his shirt over his head by the foot of their bed.

They’d both been provided with clothes and anything else they could need during their stay and told they could ask for anything else. They’d even been offered separate rooms, but Bucky, after a long shared look with Steve, told T’Challa that one would be fine. No, not two beds. One bed is fine. Shuri looked like she was gonna explode during that conversation, but she managed to stay quiet.

“I don’t really know,” Steve said, chuckling a little and shaking his head. “I guess… I just wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet.”

Bucky, finished changing, smiled sadly and stepped toward Steve before stopping suddenly in his tracks and looking down at his left shoulder.

“I don’t know how good a hug I can give ya with only one arm.”

Steve actually snorted at that.

“Come here,” he said, getting under the covers of the bed and patting the spot to his right. They’d worked out that Bucky needed to sleep on that side their first night here. It meant he could face Steve without laying on his good arm. If they wanted to spoon, it meant completely switching positions. They'd spent a lot of time holding each other and talking since they'd gotten to Wakanda. Bucky told Steve about what he'd been doing since Hydra fell, and Steve tried not to get too emotional about Bucky hiding from him for so long.

Now, Bucky laid down, curling into Steve’s side with his head on Steve’s shoulder. They both stared into space silently.

“What do you wanna talk about?” Steve asked, breaking the silence. He started running his fingers through Bucky’s hair, which made his right arm kind of a protective circle around Bucky’s head. Usually, their conversations started easily. The silence now was leaden.

“I’m sick of talking,” Bucky mumbled. “All talked out. Why don’t you say something?”

Steve hummed, hand never stilling.

“What do I say?” he said.

“Could always talk about me,” Bucky offered, shrugging his good shoulder. “Say goodbye, Steve. But… You gotta remember it's just goodbye for now.”

So Steve started talking.

“You know, I got a lot to thank you for, James Buchanan, before I even get to the goodbyes. I’m not sure I ever could have gotten close to being Captain America if it wasn’t for you. I know you’ve gotten me through a lot of tough times, but it’s more than even that. I think the persona of Captain America came from you. I mean, yeah, fighting for truth and justice against enemies twice my size is something I’ve always had trouble resisting.”

Bucky laughed.

“But I hardly knew how to hold a conversation with a new person, let alone how to charm the whole damn country.” Steve shook his head. “You should have seen me up there, Buck. I couldn’t look at a crowd without feeling nauseous. I barely knew my lines, always running into the actresses. I met so many people affected by the war, but I didn’t know what I was supposed to do about it.” He turned his head a little to look at Bucky as best he could, stilling his hand.

“Then, I thought, _What would Bucky do?_ ” Steve whispered.

“Would have demanded a better script, first of all,” Bucky joked and grinned when he saw Steve laugh.

“That might be true,” Steve continued, staring back at the ceiling. “But, Buck, you could win over anyone with just a smile. And I remember that last night before you left. Even though you were going to war, you were so _positive_. It made me feel unstoppable. Made me think I could be a soldier even if that girl wouldn’t so much-”

“If I’d known positivity made you such an ass, I’d have frowned more,” Bucky interrupted.

“I was always gonna be an ass, Buck. You just made me a confident one,” Steve said. “I was being paraded around the country like a circus show to sell war bonds, but when I thought about your confidence—that cocksure smile when it seemed like everything was falling apart—I felt unstoppable. Even in the face of a crowd of men that wanted nothing to do with me. Then, they said Hydra had you, and just—fuck, I just stopped. I felt hollow, but there was a chance to get you back, so I ran headfirst into a warzone, and, Bucky... I thought I got you back.”

“What do you mean? You did,” Bucky said, looking at Steve.

“I think a part of you was always in that lab, Buck. You’d smile, and it didn’t reach your eyes. You looked so angry when you thought no one was looking at you.”

Bucky chuckled a little and said, “Well, people didn’t look when you were around.”

“Your smile always drew everyone’s attention,” Steve said softly. “But you didn’t smile anymore. So all I wanted was for that goddamn war to be over because I guess I thought that if the war ended, you would smile at me again, and it would feel just like it did before. Maybe I was naïve, but I think maybe since that was all I had the power to do at that time, I pretended it would fix everything. Everyone pretended that’s what would happen—win the war, and everything will get better. People still pretend that’s how it works. Even when you _died_ , I think I still thought that the war would end and you would-” Steve stopped, hesitating for a moment before continuing on.

“When I finally was sitting in that plane, so close to ending the war, I realized I didn’t know what I would do after I went home. I made some promises to Peggy, and part of me will always think that I could have had that. If I had tried a little bit harder, I could have landed the plane. I could have seen the end of the war, married Peggy, had a family. Let’s be honest, though, Peggy and I were both too driven to settle down. And the government always would have wanted more from me. I serve that uniform before I serve my own conscience.” He smiled. “Until now, I guess.”

Bucky grabbed Steve’s left hand and laced their fingers together, settling their clasped hands on Steve’s chest.

“When I saw you trying to kill me two years ago, all I could think was, ‘God, he still isn’t smiling’,” Steve admitted.

Bucky laughed at that, harder than he had in a while.

“You trying to say I only beat you because you were thinking about my smile? Nice try, Steve. I won fair and square.”

“You won?” Steve asked disbelievingly, squeezing Bucky’s hand. “I thought you were trying to kill me, and I don’t remember dying. Unless this is heaven.”

“You’re trying to bait me into a cheesy pick-up line,” Bucky replied. “But I want it on record that if the Widow and Falcon weren’t there, I’d have won.”

“Okay, fine.” Steve grumbled. “Now, stop interrupting. Where was I?”

“I was trying to kill you.”

“God, yeah. I know I should have been thinking about a thousand other things, but all I could see was that your eyes were still dead, and you weren’t even trying to look like your old self. I mean, you obviously weren’t your old self. But it made me afraid that you were gone forever. I’d never get to see the real Bucky again, and the last time I’d seen him was 1941. How fucking cruel would it be if you came back... but it was never you again? I would never see that smile, which made me Captain America more than any experiment. But I couldn’t think about that for too long. So I did the same thing I did during the war. I told myself, if I can make him remember me and come home, it’ll all go back to how it was.”

There was a silence, like Bucky was waiting for Steve to finish. Finally, Bucky spoke up.

“It was never that good, Steve,” he said. “We never had enough to eat. I thought you were gonna die every winter, either from pneumonia or someone beating you up in an alley because you couldn’t stop yourself from picking a fight. I was dating girls, but I just kept thinking about how I was gonna have to marry one of them, and how was I supposed to still take care of you if I had a wife and kids?”

“You spent too much time worrying about the future, Buck. When you stopped worrying, it was good.”

“Yeah?” Bucky asked. “Then, maybe if you’d stop worrying now, this could be good, too.”

Steve slipped his arm out from under Bucky’s head and turned onto his side to face Bucky, who moved up the bed to rest his head on a pillow. He stared at Bucky for a while, seeming to analyze his face.

“You’re different,” he said.

Bucky’s heart sunk.

Steve continued, “But you smile with your eyes again, and it makes me feel like... I guess like... myself again. I’m me for the first time in 75 years, and that can only mean that you’re you again. So... yeah, Buck. Yeah, I guess that means this is good, too.” He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to Bucky’s.

Bucky was scared to close his eyes, too scared of missing a moment.

“I know this is your chance to say goodbye, but Steve, you know where I am.” He laughed a little. “I can’t exactly go anywhere.”

He took a deep breath, squeezing Steve's hand that he'd just realized he was still holding, now at an awkward angle. He closed his eyes and briefly pressed his lips to Steve’s. They both opened their eyes as Bucky pulled away. He looked broken.

“You gotta come find me when I wake up. Please, Steve.”

Steve pulled Bucky to his chest, whispering “yes” and “of course” over and over again. They fell asleep like that.

And Bucky fell back asleep in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry I write like a robot. Lmk if I really screwed something up, and please extra lmk if you liked it!


End file.
